I DONT even know what to write about anymore.

There's SO many things that effect my actions, my abilities and interactions with the world that haven't even happened yet.

Someone told me to write about the sex that I enjoy but I dunno if that's appropriate, since pretty much anyone can read this.

I'm slightly intoxicated.

Tomorrow I have the ACM ICPC or something. It's a reginonal programming contest that xavier never wins/comes close to winning, but we habve a lot of fun trying. We usually solbe live 2-3/6-8 problems given, tomorrow we're aiming for 3-4 problems, breaking the previous Xavier record of 2 problems with a possible 3rd solved due to percision issues.

Tomorrows halloween, i've got nothing to do. I'd really like to have something to do, so let me know, anyone?

bah im still being told to talk about the sex i enjoy so fuc kit. Such a bad idea fuck. So like, i don't like normal sex. missonary position is boring. Not in all circumstances, but for the most part. Rough, crazy, out of control sex is AWESOME. Biting, hitting, no control kind of stuff. Sounds crazy, but honestly I don't think i could be with anyone 'normal', it wouldn't 'fulfill' my 'needs' if that makes any sense at all. Pain to many people is a sort of negative. Honestly, pain to me is a positive. It shows that a: I am still alive, and B: i can feel something after it's happened. For example. this past wekeend i got pretty roughed up. I got choked via a fucking MMA fighter, slapped in the face as hard as all fucking possible, punched in the eye, and got thrown down onto a counter via my left temple. totally awesome

The normal person would be in pain from these events. I admit, most of these hurt. But for the most part, this 'hurt' or 'pain' translates to a sort of pleasure to me, to a sort of knowledge that I can feel and can actually feel something beyond this here and now.

Weird right?

Hmm, so my 'halloween costume' is either known as "sylars victim" or "that guy from twister". It makes sense I promise. But we'll have to see if I habve anywhere to wear my costume tomorrow after the ACM contest, assuming I wake up. FucK!

I bave to wake up by 8:30 am.... this is bad. fuck. I tried to text a few people, ended up talking to one or two. I'll text some tomorrow.



untill next time and my next 'real' post, evol OUT.

- Tommy.


edit Nov 3: Hmm, embarrassing. I don't remember making this entry.

Happy? Feeling this.
Sad? Feeling this.
Angry? Feeling this.
Depressed? Feeling this.
Excited? Feeling this.
Hopeful? Feeling this.
In a good place? Feeling this.
In a bad place? Feeling this.
Wanting? Feeling this.

Wanted? ...
Loved?   ...

When I'm feeling happy, hopeful, and good about things, I have so much less to blog about :(. So I guess I just blogged about that :D

Weeeeeee.

So like, Hi. It's 7:30am and I can't sleep. Can't or unable to, I'm not sure. I think I fell asleep for about 20 minutes or so, but I'm wide awake now. At some point I had a frozen spell and literally couldn't move for about 30 minutes, but I'm quite sure I was awake. What made it really scary was I swear it felt like someone else was in my room with me, yet I couldn't quite make out where/who it was. Yet my door's locked. So who knows.

Bah where to begin, what to say. I have a lot I want to say. I have a lot I should say. I have a lot I shouldn't say.

Blink looks like it's not going to happen. I think I'm going to get a refund in the AM when ticketmaster opens. I'll turn that money into "drinking with blink playing in the background" money. Almost the same thing as going to the show, except without the 8 hour car drive and intro bands. Anyone care to join me in this adventure? I feel like getting quite tipsy tonight.

Plans for the day. Physics at 9:30am. Quiz in there, should be easy, if what I think is on it is actually on it. 10:20am, go to lab and try to take a nap, else play some games till 12:30pm, at which time I get in line with Tom for Taking Back Sunday tickets. 1:00pm I buy my ticket and proceed back to my dorm for sleep, assuming I'm tired at this point. 6:00pm will probably be around Chipotle time. Night time? No clue, but I hope it involves good times. Anyone in?

I've been having a totally great time recently. Made new friends, gotten closer to old friends, done new things. I've seen the sunrise, including today now, at least 5 times in the last 2 weeks. It's amazing, I haven't had this much fun in forever, and it's all thanks to James and Justin really. You guys are fucking awesome. Hope I'm not being smothery as a friend or whatever, but it's totally a blast spending time with you guys, and always makes me feel awesome. Parties, late night hookah, drinking adventures, food, movies, pool, fuck even a fucking night club. wtf. Totally fun, totally awesome.

Tonight we went to Dancing Wasabi, a sushi bar. So good. I also tried Sake for the first time, and I have to say I'm a fan. I'm still hungry right now, but oh well. Doesn't really matter.

Hah, there it is, can see sunlight!

I haven't even really been sad or depressed lately. There's some things I'm totally disappointed in recently though, but it doesn't really make me sad. More of an annoyed kind of feeling. Of course, this involves Sara, but I don't even know what to do about that anymore. A week or so ago she tells me how she thinks she could be wrong about everything, how she thinks she could have feelings for me, about how she sometimes misses me, how excited you were to see me. This seemed good, or at least positive. Then you move in with Patrick? Really? Seriously? I dunno. That doesn't make me sad, it just really annoys me. But oh well, I actively tried to get you back for quite a while. Since we broke up even. As much disrespect I have for Patrick, don't be fake with him, don't lead him around then destroy everything. And then don't take my feelings as a personal attack and decide not to talk to me again. Lemme know when you come down, as we totally need to hang out or something.

7:45am. I think I heard one of my roommates walking around. I haven't seen any of them for more than 5 minutes at a time since the first day of move in. There's this french guy who likes making pork chops and wears a cooking apron. There's the jock kind of guy who has a pile of final fantasy games like 3 feet high, which is totally awesome. There's the guy with long hair who doesn't seem to understand that his hair is shedding everywhere. I hope my long hair wasn't that bad.

Oh I need to write this down before I forget. At Dancing Wasabi we met up with a bunch of people. Some i've met before, some friends of James, but one was a friend of a friend of James, named Dylan Wright. I wasn't sure why, but I felt like I had met him before, or he reminded me of someone and I couldn't place it. When I got back here I immediately looked him up on facebook, and saw we had one friend in common, Arthur. Arthur was a guy I've met one time, when I was in line to purchase a Wii. He was directly behind me, and had a girlfriend named. . . Crystal. . ? at the time I think. She's on my buddy list for some reason. This was what, 3 years ago? However, what I remember was at some point, he had to go either pick someone up or had someone bring him something, and I remember they were into some kind of martial arts, which Dylan mentioned tonight. I'm about 90% sure it was Dylan that showed up in that line for some period of time. He might have even been there during the night when they all played dungeon's and dragons and I watched on wondering what the hell they were all doing. If it wasn't him, he totally reminds me of that Arthur kid. Holy shit, random connections are random!

On another random connection, I've met a Russian/Middle Eastern kid named Alex. He's cool people, good at pool, really good at pool. But he's all into hookahs and such, and it was like the first discussion I had with the kid. He told me I need to go to the Hookah Cafe, the Gypsy's kind of competition. But that's not really where the connection lies. In my Web Development class, I'm partnered with a co-owner of said Hookah Cafe. Just weird in my head.

7:52am, roommate walked out again. Slammed door. You're lucky I'm awake.

Wow this is going to be a total wall of text. No one's going to read all of this haha. Oh well. I'm still not tired. Maybe I should take a shower or something. I could keep typing at you. You being the proverbial reader if you're still here. Maybe I'll watch my movie so I can send it out in the morning. In fact that sounds like a semi-good idea right now. So, I think I'm going to click my publish to facebook button, and then hit save changes.

Shouldn't it be submit? Not save changes? Totally doesn't make any sense.

/raises glass

Here's to more non-fail nights, good friendships, and to see what the future holds.

/leaves

edit:
comes back, totally realized I don't have blink lyrics in here, so enjoy Enthused.

It happens every now and then to me.

Things come, change. Things modify my very self and being.

Gotta say, I'm not sure where I'm going or what I'll become this time.

But if the last few weeks are indications of this change, I must say I'm quite fucking excited.

My state of mind and just overall enjoyment of life and the people around me hasn't been this high in a very, very long time.

Meh.

My dreams can see the future.

However any dream where I see my self happy never comes true.

The fuck? That's fair.

I'm done playing games.

Spent last night drinking with James. We were going to go to Dana's but she didn't have her ID or wallet/phone on her, because of stuff, so that didn't happen. Oh well, it doesn't really matter. We chilled at her apartment and watched some TV and such. Good times, watched Epitaph One, amazing episode. A lot of really cool plot lines that I hope are followed in the aired tv show episodes. So many twists and wtf moments that need to be explained. I learned that Strawberry Daiquiris are tastey, but should be a drink consumed early on, as it's thick and filling, even just a little bit. We then made fries and she went to bed, so I chilled on the interwebs and passed out. Totally fun night though, lets do that again soon.

Twas funny. My parents give me shit when I don't go out with friends, when I do, when I come home too late, and as I found out this morning, come home too early. Kinda funny but very confusing.

Sara talked to me today. Kind of odd since she said she wasn't going to talk to me. Made me happy but I didn't really have anything to say. Learned some things about how she want's me to earn her friendship back or something, and I'm not playing these high school games. She is well aware that I want her as a friend, and yes, I have feelings for her, yes I would love to be more, but this 'not talking', 'push the problem away and ignore' it method is childish. In fact, it's very reminiscent of when Scott would pull this shit toward Sara, telling her how they couldn't be friends and not talk and etc etc bull shit. Sara would say how stupid that was and I sort of wish she'd follow her own advice right now. Oh well. I'm not playing that game. If you want to be my friend, be my friend. You've been perfectly fine with being friends with people who've had feelings for you while dating someone else, most notably me.

Blink's next week. I'm totally excited. Only 4 days! Oh my god. That show is going to be incredible. If I can get paid back soonish for the ticket, I'm contemplating going to the Cleveland show on Sept 2nd. They still have good, good seats available. Like better than the one's I have. Just the lack of someone to go with beyond my little sister might make that not a possibility. Oh well. Would just go alone, but where's the fun in that.

Red Bull kick off was a couple days ago. I got to be a DJ for a day! It was awesome actually. I didn't know any of the music playing, but it was fun mixing two songs together. Got to go through all the normal kick off meetings and such. Got a couple of big ideas ready for this semester, so Xavier get ready for a shit load of Red Bull fun :D! It's going to be an interesting semester.

Well that's about all I have to say for now. I'll write some more later.